oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
