Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
