I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
