We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
