Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
