Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The uberlube is also flammable
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
