I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
