Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
