I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
