remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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