I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
