I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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