The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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