you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
