Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
last night I used snow as a chaser
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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