Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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