who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
