you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
