I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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