What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You need a sexual gate keeper
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize