Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
