I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
wow bdsm is so cute
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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