K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
