i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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