nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
