i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
