you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
