if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
