youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
