She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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