Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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