I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
