Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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