Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
