and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
