check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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