Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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