The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
