Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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