I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
