New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
