My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
