my being single is dangerous.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
