Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
