I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
