Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize