Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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