is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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