I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
