at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
