Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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