Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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