He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
