Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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