D3 body, D1 cock
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
