Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
