i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
