Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
