I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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