Im at strip club and am horny
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
