Your dad touched me again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
