i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
