She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
