I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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