I think I won the penis lottery.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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