Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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