In America we eat man semen.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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