I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
