Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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