I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's official drugs can't kill me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
