hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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