seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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