how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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