I faked an abortion last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
