This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Green mimosas i think yes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
