the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
